i jhust puked up my retainher.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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