I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
