you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
