I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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