Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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