I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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