i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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