I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
