The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
