You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
