I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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