I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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