Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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