A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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