Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Enjoy the penises
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
