I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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