I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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