i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
