You're so nebulous sometimes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
