Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
