I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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