tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
