He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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