me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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