Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
