hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize