i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
