your room smells of hookers.
And success
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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