Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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