we have pet lesbian snakes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
