Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think your dad took our porno
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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