I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
