At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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