New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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