seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
