she looked like the before picture.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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