Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
