he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
