Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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