I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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