dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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