I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize