remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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