Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
