My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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