my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
