and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
