You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
