I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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