we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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