My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
