So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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