So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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