sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
