Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
