You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
