i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Even my vagina gasped.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
