i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
