I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
