can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want a musical about memes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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