my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
