Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
