If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
