If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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