my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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