youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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