she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
