We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
