On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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