my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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