hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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