The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
