whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize