Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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