I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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