I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
