ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
